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When we were kids nothing really mattered we were all just so happy but as i grew up everything changed. Problems got bigger its not that life we thought it would be when we were kids the fairytale life where everything is so magical and colorful.

I’m sick of telling people I’m fine pretending that I’m all happy and my life is just so perfect. Well the truth is I don’t have everything all together , I’m not fine ,I’m sick , tired ,broken ,devastated and mostly depressed. I know I’m too young to be this sad but I’ve tasted pain. People say it’s gonna be okay but what if t isn’t ?

All the emptiness I feel inside is killing me. I’m never good enough for anyone. People I know became people I knew.my friends turning into strangers.my so called friends leaving me behind I just feel so left out and worthless. Everything I do or say comes out wrong. I can do nothing but watch the people I love walking away helplessly.

I cant help it but isolate myself from people. It’s like I’m in this little shell of mine. Pushing people away because I’m too scared that they would get hurt from the things I do or say.

This is the part where depression takes over. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I never thought that one day I will be this sad and depressed. I cant fight it anymore I’m not that girl I used to be before.

I’m sick of hearing the same words every single day “stay strong” how come they want me to stay strong and they have no  Idea of what I am going through it’s just hard, or “you changed” well have you seen how you treat me ? have you seen what I’ve been through lately? No.

Sometimes I just sit alone and keep thinking why am so negative I really need to change the way I think and how will I continue this way. I need to enjoy life I’m so young there’s a lot ahead of me. life is all about this one big fight but at the end you decide who will win you or depression. I really don’t want to feel lonely anymore nor die alone.

i'm just so thankful for the people who stood right by my side when they had all reasons to leave.

As an advise never depend on people cause all they do is let you down and take you for granted eventually everyone will leave at the end and all you have is yourself.

That one person..

Its crazy how one person can change your whole life. They become a big part of your life you cant live a day without them. You start doing like literally everything with them.

Then you get too attached to them. You care about them more than you care about yourself and you know them too well and you’re just afraid of losing them. 
The idea of losing them hurts you so much you start feeling that really painful ache in your heart.

 But did it ever hit you what will happen to your life or you and how will it effect you once they are gone because they have found someone better than you.
 When that day will comes you’ll start feeling guilty somehow and you will start asking yourself so many questions. 

What did I do wrong ?
 am I the problem ?
 am I not good enough ?

Now all you are left with is those unanswered questions.