what lies beneath

everything is a lie now a days.
we are living in a big lie.
our life is based on lies.

we lie to our parents
we lie to our friends
we lie to everyone

everybody lies.
you even lie to yourself.

lying became a habit.

truth will hurt you for a while
but lies are way worse.

one truth is better than a thousand lies.
this world is a lie too
but unfortunately nightmares are real.

sadly some people lie to your face like its a normal thing.
some just lie to themselves even though they know the truth.
and some just cant handle the truth.

promises are even lies too.
those words "i love you" means nothing no more.
oh and forever? doesn't exist.

a mouth full of lies
a smile full of fake-ness
and eyes full of sadness

its all lies

- i'm just tired
-i'm okay
-i'm fine
-i'm happy
-i'm not mad
-don't worry
-i believe you
-there's nothing
-i'm sorry
- i promise

people choose lies because they sound better.
saying the truth doesn't matter anymore.

never make promises
people are shitty with them.

faking happiness

she walked into the room full of people with a huge bright smile on her face.
helping everyone who needs help , laughing and joking around with random people.
thats just what she does.thats who she is.
but not everyone knows her story.

That huge and bright smile of hers is just another way to hide her pain.
laughing and joking around with other people is just another way of covering up the tears.and that girl probably cries herself to sleep every night but yet she acts all happy and positive infront of people.
she might seem strong but she breaks.

one day she walked into that room again but she was a completely different person.
as she sat alone in the corner of the room watching everyone around her all happy and positive but her made her even more sad.
she felt sorry for herself how she can never be good enough for anyone.
how she keeps disappointing everyone.
how she keeps losing people everyday.
even her closest friends started judging her and that what made it worse.
everyone knows how it feels to not have your closest friends by your side.
everyone knows how it feels when friends change all of the sudden
everyone knows how it hurts when friends leave just like that out of the blue with no reasons.

she said to herself "how come when they need me or anyone else needs me i'm always there for them. but when i need someone to give me hope ,to have my back or even stand by side no one is there."
everyone needs someone sometimes.
for a moment she felt worthless , left out and mostly unwanted.
she tries to cover up her pain with the broken smile of hers but how long can she do this?
everything she does turns into a mistake or a bigger problem its like a dead end she can never run away from reality.

"what if one day i was gone no one would ever notice i'll be just a memory. i cant take this no more. faking happiness is my worst sadness.whats the point of being alive while i feel dead from the inside." she said.

numb

Feeling numb ?

sometimes you get to a point where you feel nothing at all.
all you want to do is lock yourself in a dark room ,stay alone and sleep all day.
you get to a point where nothing matters anymore you just want to end it all and stop the pain but you dont know how.

you start pushing people away until you have no one at all but the none stopping thoughts in your head sometimes it gets really scary and dark in there.
In your mind i mean you try to shut the thoughts down but you can't control them anymore.
it's like you're lost and draning in your own thoughts.
you build walls around yourself but they end up trembling down on you.

you want someone to save you but you're too afraid to scream or cry for help so you take the easy way.
you keep everything bottled up because you can trust no one no more.
you just keep everything to yourself because deep down you know that no one really cares or will ever understand.

so long gone

we all have that one person that we cant handle losing.

even the thought of losing them hurts more than being stabbed by a knife million times.

whenever you think of losing that one person you just go crazy. 

you just forget everything and think of how would life be without them.

it's just unimaginable for that one person to be gone forever.

life would probably lose all its meaning.

you will be just like a body without a soul and just like a ship without a rider or a guider.

once they are gone you can never get them back.

knowing that you can never get them back is what hurts the most.

life is not a fairytale not even true loves's kiss can wake them up.

all you've got now is to feel the unbearable ache in your heart and the memories they left behind.

waking up knowing that this person is no longer with us will probably be the hardest.

whenever you see their number on your phone you'll cry.

whenever you hear their name you'll cry.

whenever a memorie of them hits you you'll cry.

whenever you remember the things you used to do together you'll cry.

everything you do or say will just remind you of them.

no matter how hard you try to forget them their smile , laugh ,eyes and the way they used to talk etc.. will always haunt you down.

then this question will pop on your mind "what if i was that person? will they miss me ? will they remember me?"

too many questions going back and forth now in your head.

one day we are here and there and the other we are gone just that simple.